I first saw it heading out from Lukla–it was small. But by yesterday it was huge! You’ve heard the expression elephant in the room? Well, there’s an elephant on the trail. But what’s weird is I’m the only one who knows its there.

Other than Alun, our leader, no one in our group knows what happened to me at Renjo La last year. I’ve not said anything simply because I want to be normal, I want to be just another member of the group, not someone to be overly concerned about. I was afraid someone would needlessly think something was “wrong” when actually I might only have paused momentarily to just take in the view. Everyone gets a bit out of breath, but I was concerned people might read too much into what really is normal for everyone.

I knew when I got to the pass and to the rock I was propped against I’d become emotional. But I didn’t expect that since I arrived in Lukla a flood of memories would suddenly come rushing back. I find myself unexpectedly just zoning out again, and the crying comes. It’s not that something’s “wrong”, it’s just all so emotionally overwhelming.

After we deplaned in Lukla, I couldn’t help notice the helipad close by. I remembered we had landed there for a weather check. The pilot didn’t want to fly, but Matt insisted we go on, risking his own life, knowing it was critical to get me to a hospital.

When we did the climb up to the Everest View Hotel, I couldn’t help but remember that the last time I looked at Everest I was lying on the ground wondering if that might be the last thing I ever saw.

As we left Namche Bazaar yesterday, a helicopter landed next to our trail, at the top of a ridge. The name on the side, the coloring, was familiar. Dawa Sherpa, our sirdar (trek manager) told me he remembered the name as well. Shortly after I arrived, Dawa came to me and said it was he last year who had the oxygen mask. And it was he who had heated water for a bottle to put under my sleeping blanket to stop my shivering. Dawa had helped lift and carry me to the helicopter.

Just being here again, walking trails, seeing grand high peaks, feeling so physically strong again brings tears. I am so fortunate. I am so grateful to so many people who have helped me experience this again.

I can’t ignore the elephant anymore. If I’m going to lose it emotionally, better to explain now. So today, at afternoon tea, I told my story. These wonderful Brits–they are the best group ever! They listened with genuine caring and support.

And they absolutely expect a round of drinks–on me–once across Renjo La and settled in at our Gokyo lodge! I’d be happy to do that!

The excitement of seeing giant peaks on the flight to Lukla never lessens. Our pilot made a perfect landing (quite necessary) on what from a distance appears to be an impossibly tiny line, high on the mountainside. After a cup of hot tea, we walked down what is now for me a familiar trail. We spent our first night (Monday) in Phakding.

We are a group of ten–nine animated, talkative, fun Brits and one American, me! Our leader Alun Richardson is awesome. When I privately said to him, “Do you have any idea how incredibly happy I am to be here again?” He just smiled with understanding and gave me a quick hug. Thank you, Alun. And Steven bought me a Snickers at lunch. (He’s my new best friend ..)

On Tuesday we made the long, hard climb to Namche Bazaar in good time–a steady slow pace always helps as the trail is quite steep. The new higher bridge just before the climboffers a great view of the Dudh Khosi (Milk River) far below. The bridge sways a bit so it’s sometimes hard to keep balance, but never fear, the chain link sides keep you from falling off!

I was completely surprised last night while at dinner to see across the room, three friends from my Kyajo Ri group a year ago–Evelyn, Rory, and Pablo. In a moment’s recognition, they ran over to embrace me, clearly amazed and delighted I was well and fit enough to return to Renjo La! Another friend, Pema Sherpa, our sirdar last year is also here. When I went to see him in the kitchen, he squealed, “Annie!!!” and hugged me several times. How fortunate am I to have so many wonderful people in my life!

Today, Wednesday morning, day three, we walked up another steep slope to the Everest View Hotel. It was a bit cloudy when we arrived, but nevertheless, Everest was visible, though a bit shy about giving us a full view. What a terrific day this was!

Tomorrow we are off to Thame, a stunning picturesque village surrounded by magnificent snowy Himalaya peaks.

Wifi in guest houses is poor, so I’ll write an update when I can. I discovered the connector cord from my satellite phone to wifi device has damaged pins. (((

Also as an update, I did meet with Dr. Om, the cardiologist who cared for me a year ago at Grande Int’l Hospital. We talked about my recovery for quite some time, then he asked permission to do an echocardiogram to check my heart–no charge, of course! After I return to Kathmandu, he and I will do. TV session regarding post-heart event issues, as a public service. Seems I’m a good example to promote “life goes on” after heart event.

I am filled with such joy to be walking among these grand mountains, through deep valleys, and beautiful rivers. Thank you, Jagged Globe, and always Matt.

And as always, thank you for reading. Namaste

Beautiful Renjo La – this 17,677′ pass is my favorite place in all of Nepal! It was here, in 2012 that I first saw Mt. Everest, crowned with an amazing lenticular cloud, surrounded by more giant peaks Lohtse, Cho Oyo, Nuptse, and Makalu. I was overcome by the emotion of awe and wonderment — I felt a sense of rapture, of divinity. How could there be ten thousand endless shades of blue? How could the sky be so flawless?

I returned to Renjo La in 2013. This time, the ground was snowier, and as I made final slow steps to the pass, I felt the sting of bitter cold air on my face. But after that final step, I turned and stood spellbound, gazing at the magnificence. Then these golden streaks in the sky, like arms reaching from the sun millions of miles away, found my cheeks and touched them with soothing warmth, as if to welcome me to that high place.

But a year ago Renjo La was so very different.

October 25, 2015, I remember a voice, leaning close and saying “When the helicopter comes, we will carry you. You will want to help, but you are to do nothing. Let us do all the work.” I could see my reflection in metallic blue shiny lenses of the lady’s glasses, so it seemed like was two of me. Both of me had my white beanie on. Both of me had an oxygen mask covering my face. Where am I? Why am I lying on the ground?

I felt so tired and wanted to drift back into sleep. No, NO! You can’t do that — you’ll go to the black place again where you can’t breathe! Matt said you have to breathe and he’ll yell at you again if you don’t breathe!

Rocky ground was all around me. I saw a big snowy mountain in the distance that had a spindrift plume trailing eastward off the summit – Mt. Everest! Then I remembered where I was. I remembered what happened. And I was terrified. I might die here terrified.

Matt Parkes, expedition leader for Jagged Globe, managed the crisis of my sudden cardiac arrest event perfectly and flew with me in the heli to Kathmandu. The next day flew back to the Everest region to lead the difficult expedition up Kyajo Ri. I was a patient at Grande Hospital, where Dr. Om, performed procedures to insert three stents in damaged coronary arteries. Upon discharge, Dr. Om made me promise I would visit him when I returned to Nepal to go climbing again. My prognosis was that good!

I am keeping my promise, and will see Dr. Om in two weeks. We will meet at a Kathmandu TV station where he wants to interview me about my experience, then discuss the importance and effectiveness of CPR. I am so eager to see him and thank him again for his excellent care of me.

The Jagged Globe company has welcomed me back (“you’ve had ‘maintenance’ done”) to join their trip through the Everest region, crossing three passes–the first being Renjo La, but this time from the opposite direction. We’ll also go to Everest Base Camp, which I’ve never seen. There is a map of all this here on the Home Page of AnnieUpHigh.com–just click on the markers and you can see photos of where we will go.

This past year I’ve been fortunate to have an excellent cardiologist, Dr. Decker, as well as a wonderful exercise physiologist–Mark Patterson–my medical “coach” to help me return to all things mountain I love. I feel great–I want to feel the awe and wonderment of the Renjo La once more. Will you go with me again, dear readers? Things might get a bit emotional when I get to the rock I was propped up against, but I promise to avoid all that other drama this time. Really.

After the three-week journey through the Himalayas, I’ll return to Her Farm of course! Wonderful things are happening in Mankhu Village and I’m excited to share with you what these amazing women are doing: the new road, the new community center, and the new volunteer house in Kathmandu, just to name a few The current crop of adorable cute kids are growing up quite nicely, too!

On my way to Nepal? I’ll fly to London, arriving Monday Oct. 10 to visit with my friend Susan, fellow trekker from the 2012 Great Himalaya Trail adventure. We will take a train north to Sheffield the next day where I’ll stop at the Jagged Globe office to thank all the wonderful folks there who’ve helped me so much.

And I will see Matt — the reason my heart is beating, the reason I can hug my family, the reason I can experience life’s joy, the reason my feet stand on Colorado 14ers, the reason I can return to Nepal and see the beautiful Renjo La.